Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
