ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize