if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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