Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
