I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
