Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
