He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
