Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
