everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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