I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
