I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
