chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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