I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize