i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
