Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
