Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
