My room smells like vodka and shame
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
