she woke up with a sticky ear
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
