you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
