conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
