Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
