So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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