I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize