The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
