I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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