nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
