this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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