If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
