yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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