I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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