Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
