Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
