I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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