wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
