My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize