my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
