there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
