I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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