I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize