And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
