apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
