im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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