Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
