dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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