Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
How's work?
Spinning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We need a shit load of segways right now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
