I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
