Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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