I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
