My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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