I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
