she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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