You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I want to make a zoo with you.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
