Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
