It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
