I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
