omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You need a sexual gate keeper
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
