I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize