I just threw up on my dentist
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
