I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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