No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
