Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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