My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Randomize
