that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize