He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize