so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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