I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
