clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
