fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
