it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
