i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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