who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
