He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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