I'm going to jail i love you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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