Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
