If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
