How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
