before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
