Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
