I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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