You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize