And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
