She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
