you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
