There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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