you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
