im about as happy as oj after his trial
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
