chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
