if you like me you must not know who I am
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
