We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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