I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize