grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
