i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
