I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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