Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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