I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
