Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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