hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
